dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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