Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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