Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
