so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
