If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
