I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
