Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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