i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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