I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
