I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
