so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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