We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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