perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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