We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
