idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
