I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
