We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
