Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
