yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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