Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
