imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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