____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
