It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
