Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
