so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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