Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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