At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize