i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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