If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize