What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
