I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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