[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize