and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Your dad touched me again.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
