I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
