I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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