You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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