I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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