someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it hurts more in the daytime
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
