i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
