i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
