Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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