I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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