im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize