I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
