I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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