I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
