watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it's great music for shaving your balls
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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