How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
