At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
