She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
