K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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