How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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