'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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