Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize