is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
