i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
