I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
