If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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