dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
