You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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