with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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