I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
