If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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